that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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