Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
