Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
