He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
how does that bad decision feel?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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