Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
