I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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