so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
