i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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