Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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