I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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