If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
