honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
