I need help removing her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
