She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
