We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
