after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
