i don't like sucking hair
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
