we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
