I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
