do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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