the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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