I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
