I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
