everyone is single if you try hard enough
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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