before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
