We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
