she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Couch. On fire.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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