There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
