i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
not ubering you a puppy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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