I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
