one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
