I need help removing her.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
