I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
