Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
