i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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