Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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