You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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