Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
