I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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