i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
