Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
