what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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