That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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