Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
