And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
