Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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