I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
