the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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