I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
