You really coming over, don't trick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize