Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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