I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
