No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
