I hate your face
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
