hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
