Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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