Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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