i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
