I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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