i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
