"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We are two peas in an std pod
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
