Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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