If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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