We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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